Blogging is Therapy

Is it funny that I find this blog almost cathartic and a sort of therapy?  I had vented about my SIL, (who currently  lives with us to help take care of our two year old), about the fact that she pissed me off yesterday.  Honestly, I am so glad I had the opportunity to share my feelings here with no judgement.  I learned that we all have situations that are not ideal and that we can vent about them but we can't let them get us down.  We have to deal with them head on and move on. I realize this is not easy when you are dealing with family but it does not mean you have to lie down and take crap too. I love Chuy and I love my SIL but in order to allow these relationships to stay intact it is up to me to create solutions that help us all.

Here is my plan:

1. Secure another individual (not related) to assist with daycare
2. Be prepared to not like what is currently going on but learn to be open and communicate for the sake of our family.
3. Do not let other people into our relationship or allow them to get into our relationship.
4. Be appreciativee of SIL's help and support and tell her so.
5. Include her and solicit her feedback in selecting daycare, she's been responsible for this for sometime she will have some insight we might not.
6. Enjoy my home and family again.

This is just a plan that will hopefully allow enough emotional maturity to get things resolved and back to good. 

Feel Better Today

I feel better today.  Chuy and I argued last night but we got things straightened out.  I do not like selfish people that lie and I told him straight out I will not deal with it.  He understood and also saw that I was just sharing what I felt and didn't like the situation.  He learned she lied and is doing something about it. I made a commitment to get the daycare situation ironed out.  I am not going to be taken advantage of or have to be at the mercy of someone else.  I still need to have a relationship with her as family and will not allow this situation to mess this up. 

I am feeling better but not 100% yet from the surgery.  I can tell that I am ready to get out but not excited to go back to work.  Work sucks.  Seriously.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about work and the fact that I am not doing what I love.  I used to love recruiting, when I was actually recruiting.  Now I am just doing tons of administrative work.  It's not fun, I often disagree with hiring decisions but when things go wrong I am the one to get thrown under the bus.  I used to be a phenomenal sourcing recruiter.  I haven't sourced in so long I don't even know if I could.  I've had my hands tied for so long that I honestly feel like I am incompetent now.  I think my job is all about CYA these days and not about doing what is right and good for the company. 

We can't afford for me to quit so I have to just swallow it and hope it might get better.  Just reminds me of how important it is to get out of the debt that we are in.  I'm working on it and I will get it out of my way.  I will find a way to be happy again.

Seriously? Are you kidding me?

I am seriously irritated. I just had surgery and my fiancee's sister tells me that their Brother and Sister in law are going to come over for a fish fry.  What is wrong with these people? I just had surgery and do not want company or gross stinky fried fish. Why would this be ok and she says they invited themselves.

I have to figure out how to get the daycare situation taken care of. I can't do this any more. I need my life back. I need my house back. I feel the depression starting again. I am ready to scream. Seriously, I want to chew someone's head off and at the same time I want to cry.

Weight Gain

I shouldn't be frustrated but I am.  I gained weight over the last two weeks, I know most of it had to be this week because I have not exercised at all this week.  I know I shouldn't feel bad cause i just had surgery but it's frustrating to get on the scale and see the gain.  I know once I am fully recovered I will focus on exercising and eating better again but it's just frustrating to know my hard work when down the tubes. 

Anyone else have something they want to vent about?  Feel free to comment here.

Post surgery

Day two post surgery. I am feeling ok although am really irritated by the fact that my fiancee is not pulling his weight. I had surgery yesterday and instead of making sure I had help he went to the casino said "He was feeling it." WTF is that exactly? He felt it was acceptable to go have drinks and gamble when I just had surgery and we have a two year old. I am so angry right now, I just want to smack him. He said he knew his Sister was here to help and he won $200 so I should be happy. Whatever. He can be so inconsiderate and selfish. 

Got through surgery

My surgery went well on Monday.  I had to be at the hospital at 6:30am, surgery was not until 8:30am but it went fast.  I had to wear a catheter for two days which I think was the worst part but so far I am doing ok.  I have had to take just a few pain meds which means I am managing the pain really well.  I have been sleeping a lot which I was told is normal, it takes a lot of energy to get moving.  My stomach muscles feel a little tight too, I'm thinking because I'm trying to heal.  Doc says I can not lift more than a gallon of milk, that's kind of hard cause I forget.  I am just not doing much at all so I don't risk lifting and hurting myself. 

Mom picked me up from the hospital Monday, she was there through the surgery and helped me get settled at home.  I slept most of the afternoon on Monday and then couldn't sleep that night. 

I am glad I had the surgery, I will just be very happy when I no longer have to worry about having an embarrassing moment.  Exercise is so hard these days, so I haven't been able to really focus on weight loss.  I am hoping this surgery will help and I will start to feel better about myself too.  Nothing is worse than being under 40 and feeling like an old lady wearing depends.  Yuck, that is not attractive at all.  My self confidence has really hit a low because of this issue so hopefully I will get back to being me soon.

Having Surgery Monday

I'll be having surgery Monday.  I'm not excited about the surgery in fact I'm kind of embarassed that I'm not even 40 yet and have to have this surgery.  I will be having a transvaginal tape to help with my incontinence issues.  It has gotten worse over the last year and it's really hindered my ability to exercise so I went to see a specialist and he said that I should have one.  So I go in Monday to have surgery.  It's just a quick day surgery, he says no longer than 45 minutes, but I'll have to refrain from doing anything strenuous for 4-6 weeks.  I'll post more about this as it happens.

I am hoping that after I recover I'll be able to exercise more and not have to worry about leakage.  Again, I know this is embarrassing but I'm sure I'm not the only person out there dealing with this issue.

In Debt and It Sucks

I hate being a slave to debt.  The problem is I have always had debt.  My biggest debt right now is my student loans.  I am tackling my credit card debt, one little bite at a time and honestly it's paid off.  Last year at this time I had over $7,000 in credit card debt.  I have decreased that amount considerably with the help of Care One.  I didn't want to use a debt management program but I couldn't manage getting the debt paid on my own because the payments I had made before were just to the interest.  I was never ever paying down any of the principal so I called Care One after reading several blogs and on Twitter about how they help others.

Yes, being in a debt management program will effect my credit negatively but I had already damaged my credit by only paying the minimum.  So I've bit a pretty big chunk and am hoping to get the last credit card paid off by this time next year.  My next step will be tackling the student loan debt.  The balance is enough to buy a fabulous car so my goal is to pay it off so I can start socking that money on to my mortgage.  I have several years before I can retire but when I retire I'd like to have as little bills as possible.  I also want to be able to help my kids when they go to school instead of getting them stuck in student loans the way I had to.
I will track my debts and what I pay off here.  If you want to get help and get out of debt contact Care One today.

Update on 90 Day Challenge

I'm doing pretty good on my challenge.  So far I've dropped a few pounds down to 172.8 this week.  I have been tracking all of my food/calories and exercises in the LoseIt App and have been exercising regularly.  I feel good although today I have a considerable amount of soreness in my tummy.  The Slim i& 6 Pack seems to be working.  I just hope I can continue this pace now that I go back to work.  Any suggestions? The weather is getting pretty icky right now so I'm thinking that I might have to figure out something else to do during my lunches to get moving.

So I borrowed my neighbors Wii Fit this weekend and we all had a blast with it.  I found someone selling it on Craigslist with the Zumba Fitness included for $80, normally would be $169 so I'm going for it.  I'll meet the lady tomorrow to buy it.  I'm pretty excited cause I like doing the Zumba classes.  Let's hope it is worth the money.  Oh I also borrowed her my neighbors Turbo Jam DVD and so far am liking it.  I did that for about 25 minutes today and was really sweating.  It's not as fun as HipHop Abs but it's still good.  I like to have some variety.

90 Day Challenge

I'm starting a 90 day challenge tomorrow.  My friend Laura is a Beachbody Coach so I'm joining her challenge, she will help to motivate and inspire me to lose the weight I need to over the next 90 days.  As I said in my New Years Resolution post, my goal is to lose weight.  Thirty pounds (30) to be exact by June.  That should be feasible, that is only 5 lbs per month.  I didn't want to make my goal something that would not be feasible.  I figured this would work.  I know I won't be able to lose all of that in the 90 days but I can at least do half of that within the 90 challenge.

Wish me luck!